the break up

so its offically official. me and Lasaan our no longer a couple. i know we aren't because i feel like something is missing in my life, like ive been robbed of complete happiness. i could have been alright, i was use to this, but he tricked me, showed me the other side, and now i can't go back to what i use to be, i hated her, she was lonely, unhappy, and depressed. i used him as a crutch i think and now im left to go on on my own , im barely making it. why shouldi be crying? why should i be sad? its for the best he wasn't giving me 100% yet, im the one thats sad and he will go one with his life, its not fair at all. you can never win, either way you always end up getting hurt, all the talk in the world won't make me feel any better. im still in love with him, and it gives me an empty feeling inside, he is going to tell the other girls all about me, and i cant handle that :(

the ruts

i have these times when im really sad but i feel abpout it becauss i have no reason to be sad, people have way worse lives, so why cant i just saty positive. im messing stuff p, and i need to stop but i cant being sad. i need to stop, positive thoughts... i ruined alot and now i cant blame anyone but myself, i felt it that day.. he let me go... i feel things and know its gonna be bad... and now im alone again... i can feel it.

boyfriend :)

i am in love with my boyfriend, i know this now because i am starting to get scared... ok maybe that doesn't make since, but i just know its real. i saw him on new years eve, and i saw how what i did affected him.. i hurt his feelings... and i felt terrible about it :( i think i love him too much. i dont want to let go of him.. i want to marry him, i want him to be in my life forever :))